Do you ever see anyone in public who causes a noticeably adverse reaction from most people they pass? For some bizarre reason, I’ve been coming across a lot of these folks lately. They make my jaw drop and my eyebrows lift. And usually, they leave me (someone who always has the right thing to say) absolutely lost for words. These people are trashy. And if you don’t want to look like them, I’d suggest you read up—knowledge is power in the fight against trashiness.
Here are several things that make the average girl look instantly trashier.
Naval Rings. Sure, belly button rings were really cool in 2001. But dare to show that sucker off now and you’ll be committing fashion suicide. Mid-riff tops with belly-baring properties are not stylish. Nor is your oversized, rhinestone, butterfly hanging belly button body art.
Hickeys. Go ahead, let your nasty boyfriend suck on your neck for 15 minutes. I know the Twilight trend is kinda' big right now, but vampires are not that great. And purple does not go with everything. Plus, turtlenecks are only in season a few months out of the year. In short, no one wants to see what you really did last night. Thanks. (There is nothing worse than seeing a girl ringing me up at a store with giant, purple marks all over her neck. Seriously. Does her boyfriend need an instruction manual?)
Pleather. Some fake leathers really aren’t half bad in today’s age (thanks to a rise in eco-consciousness and veganism). Then there’s the other 90% of pleathers. Careful, careful! If you’re wearing anything that resembles a tailored tarp, take it off (and maybe even consider using it as one).
Booty Shorts. Show a little cheek. And maybe even some chuncky, pale thigh. Everyone will gawk in horror and think, “Wow. That looks so uncomfortable.” And as you strut off into the distance, mothers will cover the eyes of their children and the song “Hoochie Momma” will start to crescendo all over the universe.
Hair Gel. A sure way to de-class your look is to put copious amounts of gel in your hair. Use it to give a playful ponytail the greasy, glazed look. Or, spread it through your perfectly bouncy curls to weigh them down and crunch them up. If you’re lucky, people will actually mistake this for grease in your hair. But only if you’re lucky. (Seriously, people. Have you never seen a Pantene commercial? Hair should be loose. Flowy. Shiny. Bouncy.)
Lots o’ Liner. I love dramatic make-up as much as the next girl. But there is a limit. And there is such a thing as too much. Too much lip liner will make you look like a clown. And too much eyeliner will actually make your eyes look beady and small. Too much of both liners on the same face? Hope you don’t get mistaken for Marilyn Manson circa 2000. When in doubt, stick to the basics and remember that sometimes, less is more.
Muffin top. If someone tells you that you resemble a muffin, they don’t mean you look sweet. They mean that your muffin cup is a little tight for the surprise that’s popping out of it. There’s an easy solution to this problem: get pants that fit. Nothing says “I’m a train wreck” more than trying to squeeze into the clothes you sported at age 17. And no, muffin top doesn’t mean you’re chubby. It just means your clothes don’t fit. Ill fitting clothes are never classy. For more information on muffin top, check out the Wikipedia entry about it.
Find yourself committing one (or more) of the above fashion sins and you, my friend, might just become trashier than the cast of Jersey Shore in my book.
What do you think? What screams "trashy" to you? What's the trashiest look you've seen lately? Leave your thoughts in the comments section!
Today's guest blog post is from a lovely young lady who apparently just can't stop writing for me. During my senior year of college, I was the Editor-In-Chief for a little niche publication on the University of Missouri's campus. The paper highlighted Greek life and all the happenings of sorority and fraternity days. Claire, today's guest blogger, was on my staff. It should be noted that her stories involved virtually little to no editing. And they were always in on time. Now chasing a career in magazine journalism, Claire finds herself living life in New York City-- an experience that has helped her hone her writing skills and her ability to judge. In today's post, Claire points out that sometimes a pair of supposedly stylish jorts can be much more of a joke.
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It's hot and humid here in New York and there's no better time for airy dresses, bare arms and light, breathable fabrics. This weather also signals that touchy time of year when women must decide just what to put on their legs. Some choose skirts -- mini, flowing, patterned or plain -- while others opt for the all too slippery slope of shorts.
Sure, shorts are the practical option. Who wants to worry about flashing your lady parts on the subway? But when they don't fit perfectly (which is all too often the case) they're dangerously unflattering. The most offensive culprit? Denim shorts.
These jean mini-pants range from knee-length to non-existent, and come in an array of washes and rippage. Rippage? See photo. Yes, someone out there is paid to rip holes in your jeans just so you can pull off the Olsen twins' trademarked look: sloppy chic.

I digress.
New Yorkers have embraced the jean short spectrum, but what are most disturbing are the shorts' hideous half-sister: the high-waisted jean shorts. These are the thorns of the fashion world and should go the way of their cousin, acid washed denim. To anyone considering a high-waisted purchase, please reconsider.
In fact, the lines created by these pants (think: a deep V outlining your pelvic region in front and nearly the same image in back) are so distracting that I often find myself openly gawking. More plainly, there is absolutely NO body that can make this fashion tragedy work. And I've done the leg work (Ha! Punny!). Living across from Union Square means I'm privy to a catwalk of all sorts of hipsters, model wannabes, and the fashionably adventurous-- which is fine. But this also means that I see about 20 offending pairs of jorts a day traipsing about the streets, forcing everyone's eyes to the fact that their inseam is measured in millimeters.
So, when choosing a pair of shorts, try for something with an inseam of at least three inches and in a dark wash. And leave the high-waisted version in the closet, or better yet, the trash can.
Want to read more about Claire's life? Check out her blog here.
I’m glad I never got into ponchos. I think they’re ugly and shapeless. They do absolutely nothing to flatter the figure—unless of course you think that looking like a tent is flattering. Yesterday, I saw someone make a sad attempt to bring back the poncho trend and I wanted to go give this woman $40.00 to buy a new shirt. It was that bad.
Fashions come and fashions go, but just because something is stylish or trendy doesn’t mean it should be embraced. Fashion designers are people, too. They make mistakes. Whoever sat around in a design studio and thought, “Hey, it would be a great idea to make stylish ponchos,” was obviously an idiot, but we’ll cut them some slack: after all, they put their pants on like everybody else.

So please, I beg you, avoid this fashion faux pas. If you have a poncho hanging in your closet throw it away. Burn it. Make it into a baby blanket. But never, ever, put it over your head and attempt to pass it as a shirt again.
I often blog about huge fashion mistakes I see out in the world. But I have a list of things that really get under my skin on a continual basis. If you’re guilty of any of these offenses, I suggest you think long and hard about your behavior…then go shopping for the right fashion fix.
1. Visible Panty Line (VPL)
If your underwear is showing through your pants, if they seem to make a rift in your butt cheeks, then, my friend, it’s time for some new panties that actually fit. Or, you could buy a more suitable style for the outfit you’re wearing. Don’t wear chunky, cotton underwear with dress pants. Don’t wear a super-tight thong with a tight dress. Wear the appropriate undergarments for every outfit and occasion. And if you don’t, I’ll judge you.

(Nothing is more attractive that a pair of granny panties that you can actually see through khakis.)
2. Muffin Top
If you have muffin top, chances are your clothes don’t fit. Here’s an idea: buy some that do. The best way for any woman to draw attention to her weight (be she big or small) is to wear clothing that doesn’t fit her correctly. Invest in clothing that fits your unique body properly instead of getting caught up on wearing a particular size. If you’re trying to look slimmer, smaller clothes will only do the opposite. There’s really nothing more unflattering than muffin top.

(No. No. No. No. No. Why are you doing this to yourself? Does that extra pudge feel good catching a breeze?)
3. Drawn-on Eyebrows
Your eyebrows help frame your face. They look weird when they’re not there...or when they’re constantly affixed in a surprised state…or when you’ve drawn them on with a pencil that looks a little wobbly and doesn’t quite match up to your hair color. Instead of plucking, see a trained aesthetician to help you find the right shape and thickness for you—there’s a real art to getting the right brows.

(I guess if you wanted too look like you were saying "EEEEK!" all the time this could be a good look for you.)
4. Fake Stuff Galore
Think of how mad you’d be if you came up with a million dollar idea only to have someone copy the idea and produce it with cheaper, uglier materials at half the price. Now you know how all your friends at Coach, Burberry, Louis Vuitton and Prada feel. Enough with the fake purses already, ladies—everyone you’re trying to impress knows they aren’t real. I can sniff out a fake from a mile away. Plus, at the end of the day, there’s been oodles of investigations done on the production of counterfeit goods that conclude they’re produced in sweat-shop conditions and that the profits fund unethical behavior like drug and human trafficking. Be classy. Save your money and buy the real deal. One well-tailored designer piece will look better than 100 badly, constructed, fake leather “Prada” purses.

(This purse is clearly not a Coach bag. If you think so, then you don't deserve to carry a Coach bag.)
5. Bad Jeans
Every time someone asks me to help them revamp their closet and wardrobe, I start with jeans. That’s because jeans can be dressy, they can be casual and they can be work appropriate. News flash: they can also be just plain ugly. There are still throngs of hideous jeans ruining the bodies of women that could otherwise look very presentable. Find the right fit of jeans for you—ditch the high waist and lose the tapered leg. You’ll look and feel much better.

(It doesn't have to be this way. Underneath those jeans there's actually a decent figure waiting to be found.)
6. Midriff Baring Tops
Whenever I see someone wearing a belly-baring top and I’m not at Yoga or celebrating Halloween I get a little uneasy. I don’t care if you have rock hard abs of steel, midriff baring tops make people uncomfortable. Showing that much skin is just wrong.

(Part time job at the strip club? With a shirt like this, I'm a shoe in!)
You’ve probably caught on to this, but I’m a huge fan of jeans. Denim is my wardrobe staple (right behind zebra print) and something that I’m willing to pay a hefty price for. I enjoy different styles of jeans, from skinny fashions to wide-leg trouser styles. I have several brands that I’m very loyal to (True Religion, Joe’s and Juicy) but I’m always willing to branch out and try the hottest new denim cuts and collections.
Last year, or maybe it was the year before, I decided to branch out. Banana Republic (one of my favorite chain stores) launched a line of denim in impressive washes, cuts and styles. I purchased a couple pairs. One pair was a skinny cut style that I wore with riding boots or tall heels, the other was a general boot-cut pair for everyday use. Here’s the thing: I stopped wearing them after several washes.
The jeans lost their shape and started fitting very oddly after several trips to the washing machine. I tried ironing them, starching them, not washing them as much, but it was no use—the tailoring continued to disappoint. On the plus side, the jeans held their color well. Plus, the fabric was very durable. I wanted to wear them more but they continued to look terrible on my body. So then I blamed myself. Maybe I had gained a pound or two? Maybe my body was changing shape?
Maybe I should be easier on myself. Yesterday, while sipping an iced-tea with a coworker, we got on the subject of Banana Republic denim. She too, bought several pairs a year ago. And just like me, she couldn’t wear any of them because they lost their form and started looking terrible on her figure. They got that untailored, gross look. They started crinkling around the seams. Viola! It wasn’t me—it was the jeans.
These jeans from Banana Republic are, no doubt, adorable. But I'm scared to buy them because of my past experiences with Banana's denim.
Banana’s jeans literally drove me a Bananas. Even though Banana’s jeans were more affordable than the standard designer denim I usually flaunt, I always get my FULL wear out of Joe’s, True Religion or Juicy. I’ll still be a loyal Banana customer, but I’ll stick to the blouses, dresses and suits.
Let’s be honest, I specialize in telling you about great ways to spend your money—be it making a clothing purchase, going to a fun place or behaving in a frivolous fashion. It’s only necessary, then, that I also tell you about huge wastes of your money and your time. It’s only appropriate that I have a “Do Not Buy” list.
Topping the “Do Not Buy” list this week is coffee beverages from McDonald’s. The company’s alluring ads and direct mail promotions featuring tempting mochas, lattes and cappuccinos are enough to make anyone who craves caffeine, coffee or chocolate a little batty. Plus, a price point lower than that of Starbuck’s or other gourmet coffee houses makes even the most discerning budgeter feel okay about their coffee habit. The truth is, delicious coffeehouse drinks from McDonald’s seem too good to be true, and they are.
McDonald’s employees are not trained baristas. They know nothing about making coffee. Several weeks ago, I ordered a vanilla latte and the employee working decided I needed seven pumps of syrup. I couldn’t drink my beverage. Then there was that one time I asked for nonfat milk (a realistic option according to the McDonald’s menu board) and the employee filled my cup with whole milk and pretended that whole milk was the only option. And then there was yesterday, when I ordered a regular sized iced latte and the employee at McDonald’s handed me a small drink filled with chocolate syrup (chocolate syrup is not in a latte). I told him it wasn’t right, and he told me that it was. This went on for two minutes. I threw the coffee away on my way out the door and went to Starbucks. I kept going back because the drinks looked so good-- it was those darn ads.
More like, "Treat Yourself to Disappointment."
I don’t have a solution to McDonald’s problem. It’s a big one, and one that a team of seasoned executives should squabble their way through. I do know one thing, however, if you’re going to do something, do it right. If McDonald’s wants a market share of the coffee business, they’re going to have to change fast. They’ve already lost one customer. I’ll never go back. I’ll fork up the extra two dollars for a custom cappuccino at Starbuck’s. You can bet your bottom dollar that if my friendly Starbuck’s barista accidentally gave me the wrong milk or made the wrong drink, Starbuck’s would fix the problem AND compensate me for my trouble.
My advice to McDonald’s: stick to nuggs.